The Adventures of the Grammar S.S. - Episode One
The Adventures of the Grammar S.S. '''is a series of short stories following the many grammatic ordeals the Grammar S.S. must overcome. They are mainly for humorous and/or entertainment purposes. This is '''Episode One. Chapter I 'Twas another normal day. The Grammar S.S. were busy in their annex, located high in the Alpine Mountains of Bavaria. Mattolf Grammler, der Führer of the organization, was busy correcting book reports he had stolen; Johannes Breasler, the Kommandeur of the Gestapo, was training loyal Gestapo soldiers the right way to correct a run-on sentence; Jeremia Girlande, the Minister of Propaganda, was yelling at girl scouts that were selling cookies door-to-door, simply because they used too many pronouns; and Johanne "Hai" Turnier, one of the S.S.'s top hitmen, was busy tormenting a grammar gesetzlosen, being held in a detainment cell. All seemed quiet, when suddenly the annex door burst open. Standing in its place was a horrified Andric Bosheit, the S.S.'s Kommandeur of the Luftwaffe. Everybody in the annex stopped what they were doing, and turn to Andric. "Andric, lad, what's gotten into you?" asked Johannes Breasler with concern. "I have bad news,"replied Andric, slightly pausing, "We have a code: Red Alpha Niner-niner..." The whole annex gasped, and soon fell into a state of panic. For about a minute, various members ran recklessly through the annex, knocking over shelves of paper and tumbling over tables or each other. Finally it was Mattolf Grammler who returned order with a raise of his hand. "Enough!" he shouted so loud the whole building shook, "Are we to act like this? Like mindless fools?" Everybody paused, ashamed, and looked at the Führer with heads half bent. He continued in a booming voice: "We must do our duty! We are the Grammar S.S.!" He looked around, but the men were still not amused. Jeremia Girlande stepped forward sheepishly. "But, Führer Grammler," he said, "did you not hear Andric? It's a code, "Red Alpha Niner-niner." How can we possibly-" "It does not matter!" said Mattolf cutting Jeremia off. He then turned to everyone's prying eyes. "Gentlemen! This is not how the Grammar S.S. acts! It is our duty to do this! Now, are we to cower here, or go do what we must?" Still, the annex was silent and not an iota of enthusiasm filled any man's spirit. Mattolf sighed, and then resorted to his final option. "Alright, you stubborn lot... If we complete this mission, I'll take you all to get some fleischpflanzerl, on me." Upon hearing these words, the whole of the room exploded with enthusiasm, each man cheering louder than the last, and spirits set to dine on some delicious fleischpflanzerl. Chapter II After the joyous celebration and cheers of encouragement had subsided, the group met at their planning table to discuss a strategy and analyze the situation. "Alright," said Andric, "well, I was at a tavern in England, just last week, for it was my niece's birthday and I wished dearly to treat her to a meal, as her mum was ill and her father was attending a funeral. But I'll tell you, this tavern had the greatest "fish'n'chips." And I mean, the best! Never have I had anything like it! However, I must say the scones and crumpets were a safe five-and-a-half out of ten, and meanwhile the tea was rather on the bland side. As for the interior decor, it lacked the true charisma I was hoping for from a place such as this, so it was rather-" "ANDRIC!" shouted the other members in unison at their rambling friend. "Err... My apologies," said an embarrassed Andric, "Anyways, I was sitting at a table in said tavern... A booth seat I believe... with an outside view... right next to the flowerbeds which had the most beautiful azaleas I had ever-" Andric looked up to see Johannes, eying him angrily. "Err, sorry again... Anyways, I was sitting there, admiring the decor, when a young lad approached my table. My niece had gone off to relieve herself, only leaving myself and the young man. He held in his hand a few rolls of parchment, and soon enough handed them to me. 'What are these?' I said to the young stranger. He replied by saying he was a traveling poet, from Leeds, and he wished for me to read over his work on hopes that he may receive critique." said Andric. The rest of the members waited for him to continue. "And?" they began, "Did you read them?" Andric replied, "Oh, I read them, alright! I nearly perished right then and there because of the amount of grammatical errors he had! Why, I felt like running the lad through, but to my chagrin, he had already scurried off! So, I then got up out of my seat, left a note addressed to my niece explaining why I could not stay, dropped a handful of schillings on the table, chugged down the remainder of my ale, and hurried back here!" With the story finished, it was Jeremia that then leaned forward, and spoke. "Well? Do you have his writings with you?" Andric silently reached into his satchel and pulled out a packet of neatly folded papers. He unfolded them, and handed them to Jeremia to read. "Read at your own risk," warned Andric, "It gets really bad around the third or fourth paragraph." Everybody watched as Jeremia scanned the first page, looking for any grammar mistakes. As he read, he spoke: "Well this isn't that bad! A couple tweeks, and it could be - " Jeremia paused, speechless. His eyes, still glued to the paper, widened and he collapsed backwards onto the floor. "Ja." said Andric, "He made it to the third or fourth paragraph." All the members sitting at the table looked down at Jeremia, who was now unconscious. Johannes and Johanne knelt down in an attempt to awaken Jeremia, but to no avail. Mattolf then stood. "We need to go to England," he declared, "and find this grammar gesetzlosen! He's unfit to roam the countryside with grammar like that!" Just then, he paused. Johannes and Johanne stood up and looked at Mattolf. Johannes stepped forward. "It is too dangerous," he said, "We can't all go at once... We need a spy to go first and find him, otherwise we'll all get lost. But who?" The members in the room stood, finger on chin, pondering. Just then, Johanne, who had remained silent this entire time, stepped forward. "Send me," he said, determinedly. Mattolf replied: "Very well. You have seventy-two hours, and then we are coming after you." The plan now in order, the group returned to the annex, with Andric and Johannes carrying Jeremia. They immediately began to ready their personal effects for their new mission. Chapter III To be continued! Category:Fan Creations Category:Fan Stories Category:POTCO Category:POTCO Stories